Tuesday, January 18, 2011


Getting past the hurt....

I resented my daughters father  for many months.  I felt alone and betrayed.  I had to learn how to cope with my emotions on my own and still try to move on.  I felt like my life was a roller coaster ride.  One minute I could not stand to see him and the next I was wishing that I was with him.  I could not deal with the ups and the downs! I was trying so hard to understand my own emotions and also trying to see things from his side! I wanted what I wanted.  I wanted her with me every night.  I did not want to share my time with her.  As a working mom I felt like I did not get to see her enough as it was...and now I had to share time with him? I mean...come on! I had gotten up every single night to breast feed! I was the one that cared for her when she was sick! I was the one who scheduled all of her doctors appointments! I was the one who took care of all of the documents for her.  I was the one who had to miss work and do all things related to our daughter.  ME.  NOT HIM.  SO...why in the world would I want to share her with him? Oh....yea....I almost forgot! He is HER father.  SHE NEEDS HIM JUST AS MUCH AS SHE NEEDS ME! Yes, I said it.  Because, she does.  I was raised in a home with out my father and I still have the resentment and hurt inside of me.  I never had a father for the father-daughter dance at church.  I never had a father make the boy who was taking me on a date come inside and shake his hand and tell him that his daughter should be back by 9.  I never had the love and security of a father and to this day I feel search for that missing piece.  Why would I do that to my daughter?  He father loves her, is fully capable of caring for her and wants her in his life....she deserves to have us BOTH.  So, as a mother I had to put on my big girl panties and move aside and play nice.  WE both see our daughter daily and we both love her unconditionally!

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